Imaginary Merchandise

The always non-citrus ephant reminded me today that I would like to make T-shirts. The problem is, of course, that I have no product or brand to attach said T-shirts to, no intention of making a terrible webcomic to give myself an excuse, and little likelihood of being in a band any time soon. Given the terrible, crawling horror that grips me at the thought of becoming famous more famous than I already am, it seems likely that my imaginary merchandise will remain imaginary forever.

My favourite Imaginary T-shirt is the one which says "I do not feel good about anything" on the front. It is probably a black T-shirt with white writing because, you know, that's what T-shirts like that look like. The thing about this T-shirt is that I usually remember that I want to make it when the sentiment is more or less accurate, but I can only envision actually wearing one in public when I am in one of those aggravatingly sunny moods that cause benevolence and goodwill to spill from my every pore. ¹

Another Imaginary T-shirt Slogan that I am very fond of is "everything is very very bad". Application as above, with the additional option of wearing it to make fun of opinionated people. I think I would also like one that said "what".

Now I have forgotten my other Imaginary T-shirt Slogans, except for the one John Campbell has already put on a T-shirt that I don't like the look of. Woe is me. If he didn't make one of the best things on the internet I would have to be cross with him.

1. That actually happens, you know. [↩]